Religion, anyone?
So I just read that Target will be selling Kabbalah string. I blame this on Madonna. Now every celebrity and their f*cking dog is practicing Kabbalah. Or claiming to...all it takes is a little red string fashioned into a bracelet. This is like the WWJD fad of the mid-90's. What else can we make into a marketable product? Here are a few ideas (all based on the religion on which I was raised, Chrisitanity- feel free to offer ideas on Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, etc...anything that can make money and give you automatic religion street cred):
1. Bible belts: Yes, it's a play on the region in which I grew up. Anyone laughing? No? Okay, I'm thinking, scriptures or names of prophets on leather, maybe with gold lamet lettering. It would be all the rage.
2. Passion tees: Someone already stole my "Jesus is my homeboy" idea. F*ckers. So now, I want to see some shirts with clips from this Mel Gibson opus. Who wouldn't love a Jesus on the cross tee? I'm going to hell, aren't I?
3. Cross skateboards: Sure, they would be hard to maneuver, but how awesome would you look trying to glide down a stair rail while keeping it real with the Lord. I sound like Pastor Skip in "Saved". He was cool. "Who's down with G-O-D?"
Now I'm thinking about "Saved" and how hilarious it was. So out of pure boredom, I'm going to post a few of my favorite quotes. Enjoy.
Hilary Faye: Mary, turn away from Satan. Jesus, he loves you.
Mary: You don't know the first thing about love.
Hilary Faye: [Hilary Faye throws a Bible at Mary] I am *filled* with Christ's love!
Mary: [about the Virgin Mary] I know this is wrong, but do you ever wonder if she just made the whole thing up? I mean, it's a pretty good one. It's not like anyone can ever use virgin birth as an excuse again.
Tia: Sorry about Dean's faggotry.
Cassandra: What's the only reason a Christian girl comes downtown to the Planned Parenthood clinic?
Roland: To plant a pipe bomb?
Cassandra: Okay, two reasons.
Veronica: Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth. Hilary Faye: And then where would you be, Roland?
Roland: China.
Trudy Mason: Patrick has recently returned from South Africa where he worked as a missionary and just completed a world tour as part of the Christian Skateboarders Association.
Cassandra: Been hittin' the board for the Lord? God, is nothing sacred to you people?
Hilary Faye: [at a shooting range] Us Christian girls have got to learn to protect ourselves. I mean, sure Jesus could restore my mental and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some [cocks gun] rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary.
4 Comments:
I can't tell you how many levels this bothers me on. It's an embarassment to Judaism (especially considering Kabbala has so little to do with Judaism in the first place). Religious merchandise is so wrong.
-Em
madonna didn't jump on a bandwagon...people jumped on it after learning that she wanted to try a new spiritual path. she has already said that she thinks these people are morons. sooooo not her fault. why does this woman have to take the blame for a larger problem?
-m@
Of course it's Madonna's fault. She should know by now that whatever she does will be copied ad nauseum, ad infinitum, by the little clones she created.
people jumped on it after learning that she wanted to try a new spiritual path. she has already said that she thinks these people are morons.Say whaaaaaaa? So I guess religions are now like bands - they're only cool when you and your two friends know about them, but as soon as other people like them, they're shit. I personally know of this awesome religion, where we wear little bands around our ankles, but I'm not telling anybody about it. Oh, and it's suuuuuper spiritual and shit.
I totally agree with you, loved the band reference, b/c that's so true. And I'm already part of the ankle bracelet wearing religion, it's called "Goyovanah" and it developed from a branch of Christian mysticism. I learned about it when I saw Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher wearing them at the "Big Massive Tool" Awards. I so think they should get married!
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